The Crayon Box

Yea.

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 21:48:13 GMT

So I've been fucking around on the pianos in the practice rooms during breaks while I practice. I wish I could write something positive but ya know when shit just ain't right, what you write isnt right either so suck my dick.

Flagstaff weather is beautiful.

My mom and seester were here all weekend. It was nice. I hadn't seen family since august so it was a breather. Kinda excited for thanksgiving because of my sister's quinceanera and of course seeing my family.

My cousin called from iraq, I miss him. He doesn't sound too happy, that bothers me. I love hearing from him, he's a good cousin.

I feel like I'm stuck in a rut, and I can't get out. It sucks. But that's okay, I'm still me I suppose. Sometimes. Hah.

Work is work, same shit different day. In january I'll have been there for two years now. Wow time flies, and yes, I'm still in fucking school. Never ends. They fucking make it impossible for anyone to get a fucking music education degree. Too many classes in too short of time. I'll finish eventually, when I'm 80. Oh man, life's changing everyday, I'm trying to keep up.

Ps. I want a new car, now.

Wants.

Sun, 27 Sep 2009 07:14:36 GMT

I want to get another tattoo on Thanksgiving weekend.
I want to get something pierced. I don't know what.
Possibly my nose, possibly my ear, possibly idk.
I want to come up with a cool design for a tattoo.
I want to be the one to come up with it.
I think it'll mean more.

I am...

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 15:29:55 GMT

sitting in the human resources computer lab on campus, completely alone. Lately I've realized I'm in such a better mood when there are people around me. This week has been a whirlwind of events that were not expected. To top it all off I had two quizzes and a huge test in Music History. I really hope I did well although lately I've been disappointing myself way too much. I'm sick of alot of things. I'm tired of situations. I'm exhausted because I can't find a good job. I know I have to be patient, but I can't handle anything right now. My nerves are shot. Any turn I make I'm scared I might break down. Ugh. I have to go downstairs and pick up a check for like 25 bucks from one shift I worked on campus last week. I really hate right now but I hope I can love tomorrow.

I bought cigarrettes tonight.

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 06:59:56 GMT

I walked on over to the circle k and bought myself some cigarrettes. i was craving them. i wanted something. i am sad and frustrated. i needed something. and this was it apparently. but i screwed myself over cause it was a two for one deal.

my uncle had a stroke. we're gonig to cali next weekend.

and what.

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 07:39:33 GMT

i never made anyone uncomfortable or at least never purposely made a situation uncomfortable. idk. people are so dumb and infantile sometimes about situations. im almost 20. cut out the kid shit. seriously.

on another note... i move into my new apartment on may 15th. soooo much fun. seriously. apparently we're gonna get a pet snake. scary! but fun at the same time. mhmm good. im looking forward to next year even though its gonna be extremely hard. i keep hearing about kids dropping this major and although it kinda scares me its kinda motivating. its one of those, "these kids cant hack it, i'm gonna bust my ass to hack it." haha.

on another note. i got a not so pleasant IM yesterday morning. i'm not happy about it and i dont know what ot make of it. im not a guy so i dont know what was going through his head when he IMed me. idk. i guess ill just sit back and watch this unfold.

on another note. i miss josh. i do. i honestly believe im falling in love with this guy. its kinda thrilling. im taking it slow like i should too. too many people say they love someone like two weeks into the relationship. thats way too soon. it kills the later thrill. dunno if that makes sense. it does to me. im excited. ill go down there to phx soon and he'll come up here to spend an entire weeekend with me. SO MUCH FUN!

losers lose winners win its a 50 50 shot in the dark you'll hit the target or miss but i like my chances at hitting something worth my while.

your ears dont hear the nonsensical remarks your mouth makes
let your eyes open up to this world so eager to help you
let your heart turn into something great for yourself
most importantly make sure to appreciate every breath
its a 50 50 shot every single time

auf wiedersehn!

and in the end...

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 00:20:42 GMT

it doesnt even matter, no more.

i want it to be june already. i want to move into my apartment already. blah. its approaching closer and closer. . . i cant wait!

i bought some furniture from some guys taht are moving to tucson... meghann ended up buying a couch from them too. pretty cool stuff. it pays to know people that are moving. which reminds me. i have to call michelle back. she called me yesterday about a uhaul but i wont need one. steph just bought a truck and i have francisco, zeek, gabe, nick, tyler to help me move out. yup yup.

i want it to be june. generals are over. the semester is over. i move into a new apartment and try something new. yup yup.

hah!

Fri, 30 Mar 2007 05:38:38 GMT

hahahahaha!

people are funny. seriously.

so yea this is an online journal. its on the internet. its mine. i write whatever the fuck i want. i never put names. unless its about certain people. i will always be outspoken. its who i am. im not gonna change for anyone. i will not accept threats from immature idiots. leave me alone. read if you want. if you dont, THEN DONT. fuck. i swear. people are so fucking amusing sometimes.

today was a really long day. dont mess with me.

i will talk shit. try and stop me? betch.

omgah shoes.

im going to yuma...

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 18:52:55 GMT

ill be there tomorrow at around 4ish. frankie backed out because of some rehearsal thingy on saturday and well id rather he stay than feel guilty about leaving to yuma with me. yup. josh was up here yesterday. we had a lot of fun.

this weekend will consist of seeing my best friends, painting my parents' house, and relaxing while doing so.

meghann i have a surprise for you on saturday at your party. im hoping itll make you happy. its something you've wanted for a bit and i remembered on my daily stroll through flag.

p.s. i went to visit the apartment complex im moving into and im extremely excited to move this june. . . soooooo happy.

as per lj,
this is fucking stupid. haha. i can no longer hate on my sister for her endeavors online, i fell in the cycle. thanks amiga.

This is about not giving up.

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 02:14:32 GMT

In my life I've encountered so many people that always wanted more out of life but never wanted to try. I myself have given up on several things. That was then. This is now. I want more. I want more than working an endless job that ultimately I wont always love. I want more than just a mediocre education. I want my kids to come to me for answers and I want to be able to give them those answers. I want more than someone who isn't willing to put effort. (Josh is incredible at this, he puts in alot of effort) I'm simply being vague. You know what else? I want this for all those I love as well. I want them to be happy. Completely happy. I want them to succeed. I want to succeed. I don't want to get stuck somewhere with nothing left to do but veg and waste precious time. I'm tired of the mediocrity. I cannot support this. It's not fair to everyone that surrounds you. Get out of that idiotic cycle and get more out of life. If something gets rough, WORK AT IT! Don't quit. How easy would it have been for me to quit playing my flute and throw away my dream of becoming a high school band director two years ago when I didn't get accepted as one? TOO easy. As far as easy goes, I don't want it. I like to work for things. I like to feel accomplished. I love driving my car knowing I'm the one that pays for it. I'm the one that cleans it. I'm the one that puts gas in it. I like getting paychecks. Mainly because I know the work I put into it to get paid that.

I love my friends. I promise you if you hurt them there will be consequences for your actions. I am not threatening in any way shape or form I'm stating a fact. People do not deserve to be hurt by your stupidity. That's just asanine. I hate this situation and you know what, own up to it. Face the fact that it's your fault. It is. Be a fucking man and own up to what you do and you you do it. Most importantly quit being a fucking douche. I hate it. You weren't like this. Now you are. I hate it.

This weekend was...

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 17:27:41 GMT

amazing. Josh is incredibly adorable. I never thought I would feel this way about someone in a really long time. He came out of no where and yet I'm extremely content. Some of the things he says to me are things that I always dreamed someone would feel about me. He just knows what to say and do and all that. I know I know, I'm all gaga over him but who wouldn't be? This guy is amazing. He's two years older. I love older guys. He's white. Blond-haired, green-eyed, tall, handsome. EXACTLY my type. The best part of it all, we just click. I've said that before and then as the days go by I realize that it's not true. This guy. This guy is winning my heart. The funny thing is that neither of us are trying hard to have the other fall for them. We can just be sitting there and someone will come up and both of us just know, we just know. hahaha, I'm such a sappy romantic. Pros--> He's Christian and he plays the drums. He loves God before he would even begin to love me. He has goals. He has a great job and he hopes to go even higher in the "ranks." In the beginning he didn't play games and you know what after what happened at the beginning of the year with three stupid guys that were immature, I'm glad. Simply because after the last one left town I was like yea, not going there. I'm sooooo not even gonna try with this guy cause he is nothing of what I want. So I thought like really though about what I wanted and Josh has filled in the blanks.

It was funny cause this entire weekend I was with him it felt like we have been together for a long time. Our chemistry is nothing like I imagined it. It's better. I'm really excited for what's to come. I feel like I'm ready to be loved. For the longest time I put myself out there and no one loved me but this guy just came around the corner all nonchalant and basically just won me over. I'm really glad I stopped in phoenix after months of avoiding seeing Frankie because although I had gotten closure about that a while ago I got to meet Josh.

Joshua, yes.

Idiot with a capital I.

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 19:46:55 GMT

THat's what I am. I got into town so I wouldn't be late for something important. I woke up late and got in trouble. I'm so stupid. It just bugs me how I manage to make stupid little mistakes. I let someone down, I hate myself for it.

mhmm...

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 06:19:35 GMT

I have a boyfriend. He's adorable. He treats me right. I'm excited for this new person in my life.

Josh makes me happy.

LT4Life!

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 17:57:43 GMT

So if you haven't seen the movie babe you have to. Towards the middle of the movie the three mice that are narrating the movie sing blue in harmony. its the funniest thing ive seen in a while. HILARIOUS!

Today I'm feeling a little better. I've been drinking water and been eating consistently. Yup. I work tnight at Starbuck's. Stephanie might drop by, now if only my other girlfriend could come too my night would be complete. :)

Last night at Coco's was awesome. I loved it. We had so much fun. Other than being sick this weekend its been fun hanging out with friends :)

LESBIAN TRIANGLE FOR LIFE!

This is how we do. If you're jealous its cause you aren't in it...lol.

I've been sick.

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 22:45:24 GMT

I havent been sleeping. I have an ongoing migraine. I haven't eaten right in two days. I feel like poo. I quit Coco's. I want more hours at SBux. I love my friends. I'm looking for my own apartment. My audition is soon and I haven't been practicing this weekend cause I've been sick. My family is coming to Flag soon. I'm happy. Meghann and Stephanie, you're awesome. I'll write something else soon. Class tnight. Blah.

Blah.

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 21:14:42 GMT

I wanna know what makes everyone so fucking stupid. Seriously.

Fallout Boy

Thu, 08 Feb 2007 15:40:50 GMT

It's 8:40 in the morning. I've been up since 7:30 watching ashlyn. She's really sick right now. She was up all night so i knew that today she'd probably end up crashing while we were watching our morning cartoons. (well mainly her cartoons...) she's asleep and i stumbled upon one of fallout boy's live performances on mtv. ok so before you give me shit for them being gay (zeek) i never listen to these guys. I have to say though, they perform live very well. I listen to them so little that I didn't even know that the lead singer wasn't pete. haha. this blond haired singer can sing well live. thats awesome. yea.

GRAND CANYON TODAY! yay!

I find humor in every little thing.

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 22:21:55 GMT

It's all we have left. I think it's funny that I get sought out when I really wasn't even friends with that particular person. I simply left the comment on the lj so I wouldn't have to send a text for her to leave alone. I think it's funny she thinks I care about their ridiculous relationship. I find it hilarious she tries to pin it on me. What's even funnier is that I told her from the beginning to leave me alone or she'd regret it. Now she's alone. But she won't leave me alone. hah. So funny. I laugh at you and your petiness. Yup.

An unexpected turn for the better...

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 05:24:08 GMT

Years have passed, it's amazing. Although it's less amazing when some things remain the same.

Something came up. I wanna listen to Postal Service all night long holding hands. Can you blame me? I'm excited. It's the little kid getting what she wants at a toy store. Something new. Something great. Something to care for and make her day.

Have I ever said how much I love Flagstaff. It's astonishingly beautiful and I have few friends but the few who are here mean the world to me. Thanks Meghann for watching a movie with me at my place. I'm really glad you finally got to see where I live.

I miss Ah-mee. I want to see her soon. Maybe I'll go down to prescott. Maybe. We'll see. I have to pay my car bill first. bleh.

I have a two story house all to myself tnight. I'm not afraid. I'm at peace. Just sitting here online typing away. . .

English class.

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 17:18:59 GMT

Is gonna be okay this semester. We have computers at every desk so guess what I'll be doing... ILL BE ON THE INTERNET. YAY! i love it.

last night i hung out with tyler and some of friends. it was fun. they said something about hanging out tnight but i have to work til 11 so idk. we'll see.

me bored.

Yo Shit's Wig.

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 02:17:40 GMT

Yup I said it. Yo shit's wig! hahaha, so i met my flute professor this morning on campus. She's really nice and so I look forward to next semester doing marching band and the whole music major bit. Ok, im going now cause my typing is loud and the classroom is really quiet.

Yo shit's wig, son.

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 16:33:14 GMT

The semester has officially started even though I don't have class today, my online class isn't even set up yet. RETARDED. I start my second job today. It's gonna be awesome. I'll be a barista at our local Flagstaff Route 66 Starbuck's. Jes Jes. (Schmeghann.)

So about my break. It's been a rollercoaster of fun. At first I was kind of skeptic about staying here all break but it was awesome. The first week was nothing but work. Literally. I got like 7 hours of overtime one week. Then I went down to yuma/somerton, got to hang out with Ah-mee and Meghann. Cockroach meghann, cockroach. lol. We had so much fun. My entire family was together and that went great. Surprisingly. I think because I don't live there anymore I've learned to appreciate all of them and for that I'm extremely grateful. I had to leave the day after Christmas to start a 9 day working marathon. Intense. That's the only word I have for that. I hit overtime that week too.

New Year's Eve. Got my first New Year's kiss from a guy name Jordan. Tall red headed white guy. That night was hilarious. Got a little drunk. hahaha, trying to find a bathroom downtown when there is ALOT of people out on the streets watching the pinecone drop was too funny. I was up til 6 in the morning then we all went to breakfast at Country Host at 10. So much fun.

The rest of break I spent drinking at Steph's house. A lot of fun. hahaha watching the Lion King and drinking beers is hilarious.

On another note, my shoulder has been killing me. It's gotten to the point of me not being able to move my right arm. IT HURTS. I'm gonna get some hardcore medicine and take lots of it. lol. I've been thinking that if it continues another week I'm gonna go to the ER. BUT. I don't have insurance and I'm still paying for the last time I went so I'm trying to hold out on it in hopes that it will stop hurting. Everytime I move it I feel like someone is stabbing my shoulder. Ist nicht gut.

BREAK IS OVER. SEMESTER 4 COMMENCES. The fourth of many more...

Meghann Wicks.

Mon, 15 Jan 2007 19:24:17 GMT

I truly care about you. I'm here at any hour for anything. You know that. I look forward to seeing you soon. I miss you and hopefully the atmosphere up here will be good for you. See you later today.

I am a person.

Mon, 15 Jan 2007 07:29:19 GMT

Who strives for better. who looks onward in hopes of conclusion. who tries not to fret about pety things and pety arguements. i've made my mistakes. i've grown up. that's who i am. if you dont like that, fine by me. hate me or love me, regardless of what you do i dont care. ive worked hard for where i am. i managed to get over what trials the world threw at me. im not sitting wallowing in self pity. i cant. i owe it to myself to pick myself up and live my life. you should do the same. its quite the experience. dont judge me and ill try to not judge you. i wash my hands of this situation. this year is gonna be amazing. you aren't gonna determine what i do online. this journal simply states facts or ideas. my facts. my ideas. my feelings. not yours. i love my friends with my whole heart. i would give a limb for any of them. simply because my days are great with them in it. if someday i were to lose them although painful i would manage to be alright. everyone in my life is worth while or they wouldnt be in my life. ive managed to weed out those who aren't. i've weeded you out. oh well. i cut it from the root. if i dont like you, and im sure ive made it clear that i dont like you, then dont say a word to me. leave me alone. im happy without you near me sucking the intelligence out of me with your childish stupidity. you may think this is harsh but since when did LJ become your method of idiocy?

So here goes.

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 23:09:17 GMT

School is starting. I'm excited. Zeek and Meghann will be back in town. Thoroughly excited. I start working at Starbuck's cause I couldn't turn down the job or the manager, she really likes me. Coco's is going ok. We hit a slow slump and its not cool but at least minimum wage went up. That kicks so much butt! Also with what I'll be getting paid at Starbuck's I'll make more than enough to survive and pay back my flute. Awesome flute. My audition is on March 3rd. I'm going in there with a different attitude. If I get a scholarship then so be it if I don't that just means I'll get loans, oh well. I'm gonna be living here in the same house next year as well. Paying rent. It's gonna be tough but it's gonna be better than paying the exact same amount for the third of commodities and space. I love living alone. It's grown on me. I've met alot of people over break, done some pretty crazy stuff and I'm ready to study. Steph and I have grown quite close and although I don't have my Ah-mee in the same town I'm grateful she's close enough to go visit when I feel like I'm going insane. This weekend is gonna be great. Tugboat here we come. Mike is a cutie. BTW I'm going through crushes like I was in high school again. It's funny. I'm amused. Jordan is quite the character, haha, get to know me my ass. Anyways. I'm doing laundry and cleaning. Fun stuff. I actually like cleaning now. How wierd is that?! I'm getting a new phone. It's gonna be awesome. I should get it next week. It won't be snowing then so its a go-go! I need to get my purse out of my car to pay my traffic ticket from scottsdale today. I could wait until Monday when it's due but my insurance is due then to. I want to know just how broke I'll be after this weekend. Tuition won't pull through until next friday. Thank God I got another week. That should work out too.

I'm ready to start a new semester, a new job, and time with friends. I love flagstaff. Even if sometimes all there is to do is lounge around and watch movies. I'm glad I'm getting an opportunity to slow down. Should be a great semester. I turn 20 in July. I'll be a teen no more. Pretty good stuff. The only reason I'm in a hurry to get older is so I can finish my degree. Other than that let time slow down.

AND NOW ITS TUGBOAT TIME.

I've been doing this.

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 14:45:53 GMT

I'm sorta on a new year rampage. Trying to get rid of alot of extra baggage I have carried this past year. I love flagstaff I do. It got me out of the drama=lovin, life sucking yuma. It's just sad that no matter how far away I go people from Yuma still drag me into their shit. Cause its totally my fault you fucked up right? WRONG.

There are only a few people I truly care about in that stupid town and I can count them on my ten fingers. (My family is the only other exception.)

Zeek, come back already! We finally can just hang out without any issues as to my presence. Feel better. I heart you Zeek!

Anywho. This weekend is the tugboat show. Steph, Oscar, and I are leaving at 4ish to prescott. There we will pick up Ah-mee and the cutie of Mike. I think I've developed a crush on him. He's really sweet and cute and whenever I talk to him he makes me laugh. What more could a girl want? I'm ready to have a boyfriend. Now that I've finally prepared myself for it I think it's time.

School is a go-go. I registered yesterday and I don't have to pay til next friday. I bought all my books and so bring it on CCC. I'm totally psyched. Plus we go back to Mon/Wed night's German crew. It's gonna be great.

Well that's all folks, stay tuned for another update from Perla.